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I want to be better


Yesterday while we were bouldering at one of the four local climbing centres Bristol has, my mind had a thought blurt as my finger flesh was folding over each other while holding on to a plastic hold..

I want to be better.

So yes I’ve thought this before, in terms of being a better person, a better wife, a better friend. But yesterday I thought, I want to be better at everything I do.

I’m one of those who can easily fall into yes, maybe, this will do – that kind of shruggy mantra which is easy going but can be such a deterrent in achievements. I seem to always have waited for a breaking point before ‘getting into gear’, ‘setting my mind to it’, ‘giving it the push’. So this filters into all the things I do do and love to do. So yes, I climb, ski, yoga, cycle, draw.. but all in quite a relaxed way. Well, maybe that doesn’t appear to so others (and even to myself sometimes). I do certainly feel  like I really am pushing my  boundaries quite hard most often.. but I know inside me, I have more. I know I hold back from really going that extra inch, that extra effort, that extra slog. Because, meh, I don’t really have to. I mean, who’s watching? I’m only doing it for myself right? And myself is blasé about it so..

But yesterday, it rang true for me. Finally after 29 years of my life, clear as day. I want to be better. I do want to push that extra bit, when everything is hurting, when my mind is saying ‘go on, just back off and try later’, I want to push through that and give it my absolute all. I want to climb past my discomfort, I want to ski past my fears and what I think my ‘bodily limitations’ are that year, I want to yoga deep into my mind so far that I pop out into the 4th dimension (haha this is a half joke..), I want to cycle and push my muscles to freedom even though my cycle might only be 5 minutes long to work..

As I type this I realise the root her is belief. To believe in yourself and really deeply gobble that idea and digest it and eat sleep breathe and emanate it. Yes you, you can do anything. You are able to achieve anything you want to achieve. Commit, and do it.

So here we go.. !

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